The Problem with Treating a Dog Like a Pet | Kim Brophey | TEDxUNCAsheville
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we all have our stories about how we
ended up in our respective fields my
story not the one I tell colleagues and
clients but the real story started in a
strange but important place
I remember being frozen when he would
touch me
cringing but unable to move I couldn’t
run couldn’t get away and I didn’t want
to anger him by fighting so I did
nothing nothing at all frozen what I
felt didn’t matter it was my place to be
obedient to him he had the power not me
I was his pet so I kind of had a hard
time trusting other people my walls were
pretty thick as a matter of fact the
only time I really felt safe enough to
let down my guard was when I was alone
with my dog I didn’t have to hide
anything from her she was honest and
kind I trusted her completely and she
trusted me so it felt really crappy when
I accidentally broke that trust I was
excited to do what I thought would be
something really nice for her when I
took her to her first day of doggy
school but I had done her no favor and
taking her there I watched in horror as
the instructor paraded the dogs one
after the other in front of the class
jerking and pushing them if they were
slow to follow a command and I watched
my friend’s eyes turn to fear when it
was her turn to be obedient and I saw
myself in her like me she was completely
frozen she wanted it to stop
wanted to run away or fight it but she
couldn’t he had the power and I couldn’t
find the courage to help but I vowed
that day that we’d never go back there
that I’d stand up for her speak up for
her
I knew the hollow sting of powerlessness
all too well what it feels like to have
no control over what’s happening to you
and I made a commitment to her that it
would never happen again
see I felt I owed my dog a tremendous
debt
she’s my suffering when nothing else
could kept me from going off the deep
end
more times than I could count I owed it
to her to ease her suffering in return
when it was in my power to do so but it
didn’t stop there for me it couldn’t I’d
seen those other dogs be treated that
way too knowing that so many dogs were
routinely suffering such an Justices at
the hands of us humans wasn’t something
I could just drop the fact that we all
seemed to be culturally okay with
treating dogs as if their feelings
didn’t matter in order to train them as
our pets had disturbed me to my core it
struck an all-too-familiar chord in me I
hadn’t been able to stop what had
happened to me but I could do something
about this for them so I studied applied
ethology became a professional family
dog mediator educator and dog behavior
consultant I wanted to fix what was
broken between people and dogs and I’m
sure with every dog I helped I was
healing myself a little bit too I ended
up quite literally making a career out
of trying to fulfill that original
commitment my professional journey
simply became a natural extension of
this promise I had made to my dog
but I’m not done yet I’m still trying to
make good on that promise that’s why I’m
here to talk to all of you today you see
the more I learned about dogs and people
about the problems they were having
sharing a life together in modern
America the more discovered a surprising
fact the blatant heavy-handed an
aggressive mistreatment of dogs I had
witnessed in that dog training school it
was just the tip of the iceberg the
problem was far deeper and more
complicated in treating dogs as pets
we’d all become complicit in creating a
very serious and mounting situation one
that was taking a tremendous toll on
millions of dogs and the people who
loved them and for some reason no one
was talking about it let me give you a
little scenario to start to paint the
picture for you imagine you’re walking
down the street with your best friend
you see a strange man approaching he
suddenly becomes very animated and
enthusiastic as he notices you he moves
quickly in your direction like he knows
you from somewhere
but you don’t recognize him at all he
walks right up to you with his arms
outstretched wide-eyed and staring
intensely oh my goodness
beautiful he explains without any
hesitation whatsoever the man reaches
out to touch you and caresses your face
emphatically you step back but he
doesn’t seem to notice your discomfort
he followed you moving closer and
proceeds to run his hands over the top
of your head through your hair and along
your back heading you ask yourself how
you would feel in this situation what
you would do most of us shudder at the
thought of being fondled by a complete
stranger
most of us would feel absolutely
violated it’s a pretty yucky experience
to feel so objectified and cornered and
yet most of us have been guilty of
making dogs feel this way we don’t
intend to we think we’re just being
friendly when we pet a dog we me I know
what you’re thinking well yeah but dogs
are different dogs like it good dogs do
anyway right I mean dogs are our pets so
it’s different isn’t it no it’s really
not yes there are plenty of dogs out
there who think that every person
walking down the street is their best
friend and go out of their way to
solicit and
in any affections a hand has to offer
regardless of who it belongs to
but this isn’t most dogs most dogs
wouldn’t feel any more comfortable in
this kind of stranger scenario we were
talking about a moment ago then you or I
would so good intentions and all we’re
actually being quite creepy when we get
all instantly touchy-feely with a dog we
meet without the dog’s consent but
that’s what we think we do with a pet
see to us all dogs are supposed to be
passive love sponges that’s the
definition of a dog and some dogs really
are like this so we think all the other
dog should be like them if they’re not
we think they must be broken we think
they must have been abused mistreated or
untrained we’re also quick to label any
clear resistance to physical contact
with people
growling barking biting as indicative of
a bad dog when perfectly good dogs are
often simply being provoked and then
judged as a result of our own
inappropriate behavior the truth is most
people aren’t having dog behavior
problems any more than they’re having
human behavior problems we forget to
mind our own manners we do what makes us
feel good because that’s what we think
doggies are for we forget our dogs have
feelings too but the science is in we
now know if we ever doubted the dogs do
have intelligence and feelings that they
have rich emotional lives as we do
animal emotion and intelligence has been
repeatedly observed researched and
documented in countless species since at
least the 19th century when Darwin
himself published the expression of the
emotions in man and animals yet not
until more recently has the animal
experienced been more widely accepted
and brought to light in the mainstream
by such modern authorities as Temple
Grandin Marc Bekoff and Carl Safina our
dogs are clearly no exception to this
science they do think and they do feel
our dogs desperately need us to take a
good look at what’s happening to them to
stop for a little reality check so here
it is we have been told a myth as pet
dog consumers and clients that it was
all how you raise them that if we
followed the blueprint for the perfect
pet that the market pitched to us with
the right provisions and training and
pedigree that they would be our blank
slate puppies upon which we could write
whatever we wanted it’s a very nice
fantasy but it’s not true
what is true is this dogs bite an
estimated 4.5 million people a year in
the u.s. and the ASPCA estimates that
about 3.3 million dogs enter US shelters
every year with their owners citing
behavior problems as the number one
reason they’re giving their dogs away
what if this pet dog myth and the
erroneous thinking and habits that go
along with it goes way beyond how we
make a given dog feel when we touch him
what if this pet idea is actually at the
heart of so many of the larger cultural
problems with dogs to the growing
numbers of unwanted homeless pets the
rampant puppy mills producing dogs in
horrific conditions the threat to family
and community safety in the face of dog
bites and attacks could it be true it’s
hard to imagine I mean we love our dogs
almost more than anything in this
country we have such good intentions
how could treating dogs as pets be
responsible for so many of these larger
issues why would we have gone along with
something that would hurt them if we
love them so much well we have lost our
canine common sense and accidentally
fueled these larger issues for a few
very legitimate reasons reason number
one because we are biologically primed
to be stupid about dogs when we see a
cute puppy dog we get a little hit of
something called octo
oxytocin is what’s often referred to as
the love cuddle or feel-good hormone
making us all googoo gaga over stuff
it’s released in the bodies of social
animals like us humans during nursing
intimacy and other bonding between
social members and it packs a powerful
punch to the system triggering a
dopamine rush and activating the reward
center of our brain we can get a little
stupid when we’re high on this stuff
oxytocin can take us over make us act
like complete idiots and forget
important boundaries behaving
impulsively or inappropriately as we
giggle blush and gush our affections all
over the place we can get so triggered
with this kind of hormonal stupidity
when we see a dog that we’re inclined to
act the fool and think nothing of it I’m
not saying I’m immune to it by the way
I’ve just learned how to contain myself
at least until I get the green light
from the dog that I’m good to pour it on
thick we’re easy targets when we’re
under the influence of oxytocin if we’re
not careful that brings us to reason
number two we’re primed to buy whatever
they’re selling when we’re in doggy lala
land so we bought this whole pet dog
pitch with a fever we have been
conditioned by a multi-billion dollar
pet product and services industry that
encourages our over simplistic delusion
that dogs are just our little pets that
way we’ll buy in and get them all those
products and services they need that
will make them good pet dogs then they
should get in line with our expectations
that seems logical enough to us they
should be grateful for all these things
right
aren’t we they’re masters after all
reason number three since we were told a
long time ago that we had dominion over
our dogs it seems reasonable that they
should be good little minions especially
if we’re nice to them they’re dogs we
dominate them and they’re here to serve
us but they never got that memo so even
after all of our generosity is their
masters they still might not obey our
every way
and measure up then we often give up
even if we are heartbroken about it we
give the dog away thinking we must have
gotten a lemon or damaged goods one more
dog in the unwanted pet pot so then
we’re set up for another sale and reason
number four there’s even more money to
be made on our pet fantasy delusions
selling dogs as products themselves when
we do give up we often go looking for
another pet we go dog shopping we’re
total suckers all doped up looking at
cute pictures of puppy dogs and
descriptions of sweet dispositions that
will fill the hole in our hearts with
unconditional love that’s why we’re
keeping all those breeding operations
and puppy mills in business you see many
breeders aren’t exactly helping when it
comes to dispelling that fairy tale myth
about the perfect pet dog they’re
selling us like any good salesman
marketing a product many breeders simply
tell us what they think we want to hear
nobody really tells us that many breeds
of dogs are inherently predisposed to
all kinds of behaviors we actually have
little tolerance for in our pets so the
dog and we get set up for failure from
the jump as we swim upstream against
those genes or don’t adequately provide
for them we reach the end of our rope
when the pet gig we gave him isn’t
working out so well when all those
products and services haven’t been able
to turn him into something he is not the
dog snaps must be another lemon and so
it goes on and on the pet tail keeps
wagging the dog we have yet to step back
and examine the bigger picture if we
really want to break this cycle here’s
what we need to do dogs have four legs
and I think it makes sense to look at
them that way as a whole animal
I developed the dog legs model in order
to give us a simple and practical
framework in which we can see the
complete picture of what’s really going
on with our
learning how you raise them apart is
indeed critical but the whole concept of
training them needs to be redefined the
whole idea of obedience reinvented into
a kind of reasonable contract of terms
between two species having a
relationship we can and should do our
best to explain to them how this whole
modern pet dog thing is supposed to work
in a way that makes sense to them we do
have one heck of a responsibility as
their teachers learning is a really big
deal but it’s just a quarter of the
story context always matters to their
environment what is happening in a given
moment and on a daily basis for our dogs
is they encounter their world and
everything in it is an inescapable and
constant yet ever-changing factor in
their lives it’s crazy to expect our
dogs to be impervious to everything that
happens around them and to them and just
merrily roll with every punch we can’t
ignore their genetics either dogs are
biological animals genes matter and
we’ve got to know what our dogs DNA
brings to the table traditional DNA
testing our heritage software like the
dog key I developed can help to fill in
this genetic blank for us without this
piece of the puzzle it’s really
difficult to have a realistic starting
point for our expectations about their
behavior we also know that each dog is
one in a million
his distinctly unique individual self
has a lot to say to his age and
development sex and hormones health and
wellness even random quirky likes and
dislikes all play a significant role in
his overall experience and their 4 years
inside every dog is a world and a self
that’s his and his alone
each dog is incredibly complex and
dynamic with all four of these legs
working together in every moment so much
more than just a pet there’s a whole dog
there wagging that tail I know what it
feels like
to be minimized objectified and treated
as something less than I am as I’m sure
many of you unfortunately do too
we don’t want to accidentally do this to
our dogs so please keep loving your dogs
as deeply as you do spoil them rotten
delight in their antics share affections
and bonds with them that put many human
relationships to shame and help me to
fulfill the promise I made to my dog by
standing up for them with me and raising
the level of conversation about dogs
beyond 1 about pets hold the pet
industry and its professionals to a
higher standard and raise the bar in
your own relationships with your dogs as
for me my story just keeps getting
better and better every time one of
theirs has a happy ending
each wrong that’s righted some just
redemption for those who can’t speak for
themselves thank you
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